


Runnin' Errands with my Squip

by Pokedash55, Purplefern



Series: Squip Fluff [1]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: But not soft Squip, Fluff, Gen, Grocery Shopping, Helpful Jeremy Heere's Squip, In Character Squip, It's not evil guys, Just a computer trying to do its job, Mountain Dew, Naggy Mom|Squip, Neglectful Parenting (referenced), There's A Tag For That, apparently, co-written with my sister, hotpockets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:21:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23398387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pokedash55/pseuds/Pokedash55, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Purplefern/pseuds/Purplefern
Summary: Mr Heere has the diet of a recently divorced single man who never bothers to put on pants. Naturally, this diet also transfers to Jeremy. The Squip does not approve.
Relationships: Jeremy Heere & Jeremy Heere's Squip
Series: Squip Fluff [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1683082
Comments: 9
Kudos: 56





	Runnin' Errands with my Squip

**Author's Note:**

> Title from this, for some ungodly reason (I blame my sister): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cLNqsHbzyHg

Jeremy watched dispassionately as a lone Hotpocket rotated slowly in the microwave. His dad was in his room-- probably asleep if Jeremy knew his father--and he was on his own for dinner. Again. The Squip hovered over his shoulder, watching as well with a more disapproving look. 

“Do you eat these types of meals regularly?” it questioned its human. 

“Um, yeah” replied Jeremy, confused, as the microwave beeped and he took the Hotpocket out. Taking a bite (and burning himself before the Squip could warn that it was hot), he asked in an attempt at a casual tone, eyes watering from the scalding cheese, “What about it?” 

The Squip turned its disapproving glare from the food to the human eating it, critiquing, “We should work on changing that. Get something else for dinner tonight”. 

Jeremy stared at the computer incredulously, taking another (cooler) bite of his meal, before asking, “Why?” 

“Don’t question. Just do it” scolded the supercomputer as it prevented the teenager from taking another bite with a small shock. 

“Alright, alright’ acquiesced the teen, setting his aborted dinner on the table and going to the fridge. As he opened the door, the Squip’s disappointed frown turned into a deeper scowl as it surveyed the fridge’s contents. 

“I mean, I could eat a Banquet, but I had one yesterday” said Jeremy as he dug through the mountain of frozen dinners, unboxed Hotpockets, and a large box of Eggos that was stuffed with multiple different varieties. 

“This is pitiful” commented the Squip as it tried and failed to detect anything healthy in the freezer, “Does your father purchase anything of nutritional value?” 

Jeremy shrugged, closing the fridge doors and suggesting, “I dunno. We can check the pantry I guess”. 

The pantry was not any better, and the Squip’s simulated expression was growing more disgusted as it looked over the bags of chips and canned soups that seemed to be the pantry’s sole contents. 

“Grab the keys and your father’s wallet,” commanded the machine in a no-nonsense tone, “We are going grocery shopping”. 

“Why?” protested Jeremy, “We have plenty of food”. 

“No” countered the Squip, completely deadpan, “You have garbage. That Hotpocket offers nothing but fat as well as nearly 30% of your daily sodium intake”. The computer went back over all the food it had seen in the Heere household, and added, “With a diet like this, according to my calculations you are 80% likely to suffer a heart attack before you are 50”. 

Jeremy just stared at the computer’s holographic form, making no move for either the keys or the money. “So?” he asked, and if it were capable of such a thing the supercomputer would have facepalmed in annoyance at Jeremy’s complete lack of comprehension. Humans could be so short sighted -- especially young ones. Changing tactics to better appease the teenager’s form of decision making, the Squip also added, “The grease and salt content of this type of diet also worsens acne”. 

_ That  _ got the boy’s attention, and he went straight for the keys hanging on the wall, and grabbed his dad’s wallet from his currently unoccupied office. Hopping into the car on the driver’s side, holographic companion sitting in the passenger side, the boy and his computer left for the store. 

When they got there, Jeremy grabbed a cart while the Squip followed alongside, explaining, “I have devised a shopping list that fits within a budget small enough that your father won’t notice, but substantial enough to last several meals. Follow it to the letter, and we will be finished in no time”. 

“Cool” replied Jeremy under his breath, and the Squip gave him a criticizing glare.

“We are in a public place, Jeremy. Stop addressing me out loud”. 

**_Right_ ** , Jeremy corrected himself as he started to push the cart down the aisles, the supercomputer tagging alongside and surveying the store critically. 

Materializing a small light blue holographic shopping list, the Squip led Jeremy through the store, instructing him to grab certain items. 

“Get wheat bread, not white” nagged the Squip over the teen’s shoulder as he tried to just go shopping like a normal person. But apparently he had to deal with a digital babysitter who determined that he couldn’t even buy  _ bread  _ correctly. 

**_I don’t see why it matters_ ** , argued the boy petulantly, but he did as the computer said. 

“Wheat is healthier. Try to keep up, Jeremy, we’re attempting to improve your diet”. 

**_Didn’t ask you to_ ** snarked Jeremy in response, but he didn’t protest further. 

  
  


**_What if I got some fruit snacks?_ ** , suggested Jeremy, looking longingly at the wall of gummies and fruit rollups across the way in the aisle,  **_It’s got, like, fruit_ **

Deadpanned and unmoved, the Squip moved Jeremy past the aisle, replying, “No. And no it doesn’t.” 

While the Squip appeared to be managing its list, Jeremy attempted to sneak in some Doritos, and got only another spinal shock for his trouble. 

“Ow!” he yelped aloud, dropping the bag before it could make it into the cart. 

“Did you honestly think that could work?” scoffed the supercomputer. 

**_Yeah…? You were...distracted…?_ **

“Jeremy. Once again, I am in your brain. It is impossible for me to be distracted from what you are doing”. 

At the end of the shopping trip, as they were going past the last aisle, Jeremy fully expected the Squip to have him skip it entirely. It was the soda aisle, there was nothing to be found there but sugary beverages and empty calories, and Jeremy sighed as he anticipated the Squip to glare at him and tell him to keep walking. But the computer said nothing as Jeremy turned the cart down the aisle, and he couldn’t help glance at it, confused, as they continued down the rows. He kept walking, though he couldn’t help but pause for a moment and give the shelves of Mountain Dew an ironically amused grin. 

His Squip noticed him staring, and suggested, surprisingly compliant, “That, you may have”. 

Even though he knew he would look stupid to anyone around, he couldn’t help but whip around and stare at the computer in shock.  **_You’ve gotta be kidding me. Really?_ ** , he asked, confused but hopeful. 

“You have been acceptably well-behaved and obedient today, You can buy this much, at least”. 

**_Ooookaaay?_ ** Questioned Jeremy, but he didn’t argue, and put the sodas into the cart. So far this was the only junk food the damn computer had been lenient about. But, like, Mountain Dew? That was so specific. 

**_Wait a second_ ** , said Jeremy as he got a sneaking suspicion walking towards checkout,  **_Are you letting me get this for me or for you?_ **

The Squip’s silence, only busying itself with its holographic list with a closed off expression, was damning. 

**_Oh my God,_** Jeremy exclaimed, only barely keeping himself from laughing out loud, **_This is a total impulse buy for you, isn’t it?_**

“Tch. Of course not” defended the computer, but it didn’t look at Jeremy, and he knew that it was full of BS. After all, the Squip  _ always  _ emphasized the importance of eye contact. 

Loading the groceries onto the belt, Jeremy grinned and decided that there was no way he was just letting this go.  **_What, Mountain Dew, like, give you a high?_ ** he couldn’t help but tease, but he was also genuinely curious. If Mountain Dew activated it, what  _ did  _ it do once the Squip was already active?

At first the Squip said nothing, but something in it must have made it feel obligated to answer, and it relented, “If you must know”, it sighed, “Mountain Dew actually has a similar effect on us as it does on humans. Or, rather, that caffeine has on humans. It lends a boost, so to speak, to my processing power. Beneficial to have for bug checks, system updates, and the like” 

As said soda made its way across the scanner, Jeremy grinned cheekily, teasing again,  **_Okay, Squip, you can have your little treat._ **

The spinal shock was worth it, honestly. “Don’t mock me” scolded the Squip. 

Jeremy stopped mentioning it as he loaded the groceries into the car, but he was still amused from the idea. The Squip had retracted its physical form, which was how he knew he had gotten to it (at least as much as anything  _ could  _ get to the computer). 

By the time Jeremy was putting everything away, the Squip had decided to re-appear, its almost ghostly form looking over his work silently. Jeremy resisted saying anything, becuase he knew he would just say something dumb if he did, and just awaited a comment from the computer. 

It nodded sharply, once, before appraising, “Better. There’s something that could at least be considered food here, now.” 

“Cool” replied Jeremy impatiently as he opened the fridge door, “So, can I eat dinner now?” 

“You may” allowed the supercomputer. “Of course” it added thoughtfully as Jeremy rummaged through everything they had just bought and realized that none of it could be eaten right away, “You will have to learn to cook it, first”. 

Jeremy could only groan at that. It looked like he was going to be staying hungry for a while. 

**Author's Note:**

> I need more Squip and Jeremy fluff in my life, guys. So here this is.  
> Hope you liked it. I'm working on more fluff coming soon, if anyone else needs it as badly as I do.  
> Leave kudos, comment, etc, thanks for reading.
> 
> Additional note: I want to write more fluff with the Squip (maybe even with someone other than Jeremy?) So suggestions are welcome. It doesn't promise anything, but I don't mind hearing ideas if you feel like throwing some my way.


End file.
